last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
you never un-have a 4some
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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