I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
