He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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