Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
