how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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