Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
