i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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