Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
