just tell him i said nine months
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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