It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
