i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
