yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
