dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
being pregnant is like rehab
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
