everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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