I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
