The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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