Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
