bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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