I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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