I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
