I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
