The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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