2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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