I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
