Are we in a gay sports bar?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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