i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
