That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
