Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
