We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
