I'm so fucking centered right now
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
