You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
There's always time for handjobs
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
