I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
