please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
