This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
