You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
