i permit you to call me
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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