What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
