as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
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