Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Buhtt sex?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Randomize
