the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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