its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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