Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
