She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
