I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
