I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
