Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
