Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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