I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
