No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
