ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
