just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
