I have demons in me.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
