I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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