he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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