My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
