I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
